Your Guide To Women

Drunk is never sexy.

I attempted to upload the songs but apparently they “weren’t MP3s.” Psh. Whatever, tumblr. Suck a dick.

Aaaaaanywho…

These are my sexy songs for all types of stripteases.

1. I’ve Got Your number, By Elbow

2. Kiss, by Prince

3. Fever, by Peggy Lee

4. Closer, by Nine Inch Nails

5. Crazy Bitch, by Buckcherry

6. Toxic, by Britney Spears (I actually think the glee cast version is hotter. I’ll allow you guys to pass judgement on that one)

7. Bread & Butter, by Hugo

8. Do You Want To Touch Me (Oh Yeah), by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

9. Bell Luna, by Jason Mraz

10. Better Man, Martina Sorbara

p.s. I thought about adding Pour Some Sugar On Me to the list, but come on. I can’t be like every other sex blog. How boring.

Alright, let me tell you what I like to do.

1. Pick a song that you feel smoking hot to. I’m about to upload my “sexy playlist” from itunes, but it should be something that you get turned on just by listening to.

2. Tell him you’ll be right back, lower the lights and set up the song on your way out. If you have some kind of ipod remote, that’s best, but you can also tell him to click play when you’re ready.

3. I like to start by entering through a door. It’s a really easy prop to work with (especially if you’re in heels. It helps you get your balance.) You can hold on to the door frame and do a hair flip (men love this… I think it’s probably cause they can’t do it themselves?) or maybe do a booty up move. This is where you bend your knees till you’re squatting to the side, and then keep your legs straight and your back arched as you roll up.

4. You can play there for a little bit, and then start to walk towards him. Keep your eyes locked with his, and then turn around and grind on his lap, just for a second. The trick is to keep him wanting more. Remember, it’s a TEASE.

5. Now we come to the actual removal of clothes. I personally like to start in lingerie (hence the leaving the room) but you can just as easily start with all your clothes on and strip down. Never show him what he really wants to see. That’s for later. So for example, when you take off your bra, make sure your back is towards him. Toss your hair over your shoulder and give him a sly smile as you unhook. But before you do that, let’s talk about one of my favorite moves.

6. Now, I LOVE thigh-highs. I think they’re extremely sexy, and I’ve always gotten good reviews. So, either kick off your heels seductively, or add them into this move if they’re strappy. Place your thigh-high-clad leg up on wherever he’s sitting, either next to him or in-between his legs. Slowly roll down from the top (make sure your feet look pretty!) You can then put the stocking behind his neck and just BARELY pull his face into your cleavage. Like I said, it’s a tease. Then do the bra thing, blah blah blah. Don’t take your panties off.

7. When you’re done, straddle him and start making out with him. It’s okay if the song isn’t done yet, just let it run out.

8. Don’t feel like you have to do tons of choreography. Keep it simple. You’re getting naked in front of your dude, he doesn’t need the Rockettes to be satisfied.

if this is a repeat post, I apologize, but I thought I would just go ahead and re-answer y’alls questions.

It is all about the tongue. It’s hard as a girl to think about what feels good on us, and translate it to a dudes anatomy, but you just have to try. Do that and then make it a little…rougher. I like to start at his neck and work my way down, nibbling on his chest and abs when I go. Once I get to the below the belt zone, I (GENTLY) bite and suck at his inner thighs, his hips…pretty much everywhere except for his dick. This builds up the anticipation, and gets him even more excited for the big event. Then, because you want it to be wet right from the get go, do a long slow lick from the underside of his balls, up to the head. THEN take him into your mouth, sort of suction cupping the head between your tongue and the roof of your mouth, and massage the soft tissue on the bottom of his head with your tongue. Start to roll down his shaft, keeping your tongue pressed against him, or you can work your tongue in a zig zag motion. Every once in awhile, you can come up to his head and twirl your tongue around it, lightly flicking that soft underside we talked about earlier. If you can’t deep throat (it’s alright if not) use your hand on the bottom of his shaft. Don’t just jerk him up and down, but use your hand to grip firmly and massage him in almost a rolling motion. Once you get into the rhythm of that, you can use your other hand to gently rub his balls, squeezing them lightly and using your pointer finger to use a “come hither” motion on his perineum (the area right behind the balls that connects to the anus.) You should feel his balls tense up closer to his body right before he cums, and this is a sign for you to continue what you’re doing, but work faster. If you’re going to let him cum in your mouth, make sure to keep sucking, slowing down, until you know he’s completely finished.

And that’s how it’s done!

When receiving a naked picture, even if it isn’t good, you have to give the person some sort of compliment. You know… “wow, you have an awesome body” or “god, I can’t wait to fuck you.” If you don’t, whoever sends it feels self-conscious and is less likely to send another (hopefully better) one.