March 2012
1 post
Tip 76.
Ladies,
If for some reason, your dude wants to wait awhile before having sex (which is more common than you might think) don’t pressure him. Also, don’t try to seduce him while drunk. You usually end up looking like an idiot.
February 2012
5 posts
Tip 75.
There are only three ways to kiss someone (for the first time.)
1. The Element of Surprise.
This is for when you have some built up sexual tension. I personally love this one because it says “I can’t wait another second, I need you now.” DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IF YOU’RE UNSURE THE OTHER PERSON WANTS IT. But if you do know, either if you’ve discussed it, or it is...
Tip 74.
If you and guy haven’t hooked up, or sexted before, or anything, it’s not he best idea to tell him you “Can’t wait to sigh his name in his ear as he slides into you.”
Just saying.
Tip 73.
Don’t listen to your meathead friends; boxer briefs are sexy.
Tip 72.
When you’re trying to get with a lady, refrain from telling her about some past girl who was “perfect” or “rocked your world.”
Tip 71.
Sounds stupid, but if a guy wants to talk to you, he will. When you always start the conversation, take that as a sign that he’s not very interested.
January 2012
6 posts
“You’re gonna slob his knob AND he’s a virgin? Oh yeah, you’re...”
Tip 70:
Drunk is never sexy.
Tip 69: Innocent ≠ Nice
Striptease Playlist
I attempted to upload the songs but apparently they “weren’t MP3s.” Psh. Whatever, tumblr. Suck a dick.
Aaaaaanywho…
These are my sexy songs for all types of stripteases.
1. I’ve Got Your number, By Elbow
2. Kiss, by Prince
3. Fever, by Peggy Lee
4. Closer, by Nine Inch Nails
5. Crazy Bitch, by Buckcherry
6. Toxic, by Britney Spears (I actually think the glee...
Tip 68: How To Do A Striptease
Alright, let me tell you what I like to do.
1. Pick a song that you feel smoking hot to. I’m about to upload my “sexy playlist” from itunes, but it should be something that you get turned on just by listening to.
2. Tell him you’ll be right back, lower the lights and set up the song on your way out. If you have some kind of ipod remote, that’s best, but you can also...
Anonymous asked: how do you give a striptease or lap dance? thank you
December 2011
15 posts
Anonymous asked: what are some of your tips that will make a guy's feet curl during a blow job? ;)
Tip 67: How To Give A Killer Blowjob
if this is a repeat post, I apologize, but I thought I would just go ahead and re-answer y’alls questions.
It is all about the tongue. It’s hard as a girl to think about what feels good on us, and translate it to a dudes anatomy, but you just have to try. Do that and then make it a little…rougher. I like to start at his neck and work my way down, nibbling on his chest and abs...
Tip 66.
When receiving a naked picture, even if it isn’t good, you have to give the person some sort of compliment. You know… “wow, you have an awesome body” or “god, I can’t wait to fuck you.” If you don’t, whoever sends it feels self-conscious and is less likely to send another (hopefully better) one.
Anonymous asked: have you ever been in love? what does it feel like?
keep a lookout for my next post on how to get head.
Tip 65.
No guy will ever complain about you telling him he has a big dick.
HOWEVER…
You probably shouldn’t drunk text him “I just ant wait ti have sex with yoy. Causevyour penises is HUGE.”
I mean, he’ll probably reply the next morning that he is “Happy to oblige,” but this is really just a good life lesson.
Anonymous asked: "you’ll find someone else who does." so true. this was a recent discovery when i found that person, and not only did they see all the awesomeness in me, but I very clearly saw it equally in them. It will be the best, and when it just suddenly happens upon you, you get it, and its worth all of the waiting
Anonymous asked: IM AHUGE FAN OF THE NEW LAYOUT is pretty.
Tip 64.
This is about to get slightly lovey and depressing for a moment. To all you nymphos, I apologize.
Sometimes, you will care about someone. And for whatever reason, they don’t feel the same way. And it will suck a lot. The less they want you, the more you want them. It’s going to hurt. But it’s also going to get better. This person is not the be all end all, it only feels that way...
Anonymous asked: What about a Gay Douchebag in a Relationship who is too good of a friend for you to hookup with? Hmmmm? Blackbear!
Tip 63.
Unless you intend to call a girl, don’t bother asking for her number after you’ve hooked up. It really sends the wrong message, as in the “you’re actually going to fucking CALL her” message.
Tip 62
When you’ve hooked up with a girl, avoid hooking up with all girls close to her. Sisters, friends, neighbors, gynecologists… It makes you look like, well, in a word…a shitdick.
Tip 61 and 1/2
I forgot the subcategories under Douchebags: Psychos and Ugos
Tip 61.
I’m starting to believe that all the men in the world can be divided into just a few categories.
1. Men in Relationships
The other day, I was waiting for a cab and happened to notice a very attractive male across the street. After desperately trying for several minutes to make eye contact, it became apparent he wasn’t interested. Just then a car pulled up, and out hopped a girl who...
November 2011
2 posts
Tip 60.
If you have ever hooked up with a lady, do not call her buddy, dude, man, etc. We are girls. GIRLS. It doesn’t matter if you’re not hooking up anymore, we still want to be treated like we have the proper junk.
Tip 59.
Picture this.
You are man (or a lesbian, I suppose.) You are spending the night in a girls bed who you are sexually attracted to. You are both naked, she is rubbing your back, and you know she wants to hook up.
You:
a. Go to sleep.
b. Roll over and ignore her.
c. Get it on.
I’ll give you a hint….make a fucking move.
October 2011
1 post
Tip 58.
Ladies—
Things that men will always like:
1. Wearing his button down.
2. Scratching (gently) at his back.
3. Morning blow jobs.
Live it. Learn it. Love it.
September 2011
5 posts
Tip 57.
When a girl says “no,” that’s it. End of story. Don’t try to read her, or tell her bullshit like “Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes.” Um, no. My mouth AND my eyes are saying no, now get the fuck out of my room.
Tip 56.
Ask the girl you like out on a date. It never goes out of style.
14 tags
Tip 55.
Boys…and lesbians…
Girls really like to take things literally. Don’t ask me why, we just do. So if you’re treating a girl like you’re going to start a relationship with her (holding hands, snuggling actually TELLING her you like her) you better damn well have the intention of dating her. Otherwise, you’ve got a shitstorm of pain coming your way.
Tip 54.
Another post on making out… of course.
Don’t come in for a kiss with your mouth open. Start closed and work your way up. Nobody likes to be swallowed… well, okay, nobody likes their FACE to be swallowed.
August 2011
4 posts
Tip 53.
Handjobs are dumb. You’re doing a worse version of what he can do to himself. Unless your guy is missing a couple of ribs and has mastered the art of self-fellatio, go to town with that tongue.
Tip 52.
Hooking up once does not make you “friends with benefits”
It does not give you the right to call a girl babe
And if she’s not answering your texts all day… guess what? She’s not interested.
Don’t be that guy.
Tip 51.
Don’t say stuff you don’t mean. She WILL believe you.
Tip 50.
Bros should stop thinking every girl out there wants to have a relationship after they hook up. My friend, we’ll call her R, recently had some dbag ignore her because he thought she wanted more than just a summer fling… guess what? Girls are just as horny as guys are! We can want no strings attached too! Don’t ruin a good thing by freaking out over the future, or rather, your...
July 2011
7 posts
Tip 49.
So I was out on the town tonight, and I saw something very disturbing (as I have seen many times before)
dear girls who think itsy bitsy teeny tiny thongs are sexy… they are. but not when you buy a size 0 for your size 8 body. you might be thinking, the smaller the better! but when your thong is digging into your sides so much that it looks like a fucking cocktail weenie in between two rolls of...
Tip 48.
Let’s talk about when you should ask a girl out and when you shouldn’t.
Yesterday I got a voicemail from a guy saying I’m pretty and he’d like to go out with me…
I have no fucking clue who this guy is. Unless you and a girl have actually had a conversation, it’s weird as balls that you want to ask her out. You’re basing a possible relationship entirely...
Again, more on this. →
Tip 47.
Reading horror stories online…. and by that, I mean stories about bad sex.
Here’s a general piece of advice… if you’re fucking someone, DON’T MAKE ANY NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT THEIR BODY.
“Your underwear doesn’t match”? “Your tanlines are weird”?
No, I don’t think so. You’re having SEX with them for christ sakes, you must...
Sort of a tip?
I recently found this list on stumbleupon…
www.danceproof.com/truths-women-men/
I am telling you, BE WARY OF LISTS LIKE THESE. They are generalizations about women, some of which are true for certain people and not for others. I need constant reminders that you want me around? if you don’t pay on the first date, I’ll think you’re cheap? Okay, I’m sorry, but these...
Tip 46.
Shall we talk about the art of cunnilingus? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately because… well… I’m horny.
Allow me to quote a friend, “If all you’re getting is lick lick lick, he’s doing something wrong.”
This is true.
Oh boys, the trick is VARIATION. I personally love sucking. And I know what you’re thinking, oh glorious sex goddess,...
June 2011
6 posts
Tip 45.
Don’t let stupid, little things get in the way of what really matters. Period.
Tip 44.
I think I should elaborate on Tip 43. It’s okay to have your own opinions, and have different things that you think are right and wrong. And you may think someone is mad at you for those opinions. However, the fact of the matter is, when something bad happens, you should support the person you “would die for.” You should say you’re sorry, and it shouldn’t have...